Thoughts... Part Two

when i grew up a lil bit...entering school...the 1st school i entered in the non-egyptian nation i was in, was the perfect example of multi-cultural society...i was among different kind of ppl...which made me exposed (but not neccesarily caught in the idea of realization) to how different human beings can be...british, americans, indians, lebanese, syrians, pakis...including egyptians...and many more...another exposure was to globalization...and to dual standards...like talking in Ebglish in front of the teachers and the staff, while talking arabic when we (arabs) were with each other...which also taught me the sense of nationalism...(some might name it other expressions, but when i reanalyze it i cant name it other than that)...

Anger...

Anger everywhere. Anger here and there. Always anger and there is no one to care. Anger in my opinion is one of the most primitive spontanuous way of expressing existed since day one. Angry sometimes can be right or wrong...But let's take some different angle...Many people discuss anger as something negative, something will affect your body, your mood, etc etc etc...while if you reanalyze it from a different angle...you can begin to consider how people usually talk about things from only one-side only...
Some people get angry for wrong reasons, some for right ones, some are just violent by their own nature...you know...if you ever tried to enter a queue for a paper you want for your personal ID for example, or even worse, try to get a 2 LE from the 5 pt bread at the local bakery in your area. At least you can witness one of these incidents in the everyday life.
Anger can take several ways of evolution, for example, someone takes your place by his strength, his "wasta", money, or whatever...of course this someone will be burning from inside. But tell me, does it usually happen that this angry person will transfer these supposed negative feelings of inside anger to positive actions to get their right back? In our Egyptian Society, and myself sometimes, this usually never happens. On the contrary, these negative feelings become enormous inside the human being untill it really cause the side-effects we were talking about in the one-sided point of view.
This state of being angry, the positive side of being angry, which is really very rare, or I can say, hideous in our Egyptian Society, can have two separate side-effects in my opinion:
1. Forcing the people to never give their rights up under ANY slogan, esp. that Egyptians many times utilize religious principles in the very wrong (or opposite) ways. And this way will be the peace leading way of developing of some of the terrible aspects in Egyptian life.
OR
2. Increasing and increasing the feelings of supressed and anger (and/or humiliation) which can lead to really dangerous effects (as you can see from the egyptian economic scene today)

Anonymous: "The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry."

Thoughts...

Alone...
The purifying feeling of being alone...
My parents never tried to understand my need to be alone from time to time, they just use the easy option of being scared and throw all the same-old-nagging about it is not right...it is bad...just like i'm still a child...

I was never taught the sense of privacy...my parents always invaded my strong desire for privacy...under many excuses...parental watch, love, protecting...yea ok i'm important for you and all...but do you think that this way will make the character you want to see? to be a real man who is able to face this monsterous-kind of life which is getting harder every second...

privacy...

as a matter of logic, this way of raising up made me believe that i have the right to invade the privacy of people i begin to care for...leading to face numberless problems as you can imagine...

privacy...

i suffered, paying the fees of the school of life...this suffering made me need to reanalyse the meaning of privacy, how to preserve it, how to protect it from the invasion from even my own parents...which released really bad effects...

lying...
cheating...
and all evil acts one can imagine...

i began to realize how parents r really responsible for what we r in life...

privacy...

even when i tried to share interests with them after al ong time of isolation...a long time of walled relationship...they kept making fun of my activities...or simply refusing it...

my online activity...
teenstuff magazine...
music interests...

as if they were never teenagers, as if they never lived this time of evolution of certain interests in the human being in this time interval...

i dont know if it a trend in this family...all the relatives in my family think of me as if am still a little child...forgetting the twenty summers and winters that passed through my life time...

privacy...

all my activities r just watched and delieveredby reports to my family...i hate my parents for what...what the hell...why do you know all this about me...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU IDIOTS...

and then these relatives say...hey did u do that? u did that alone? What the heck guys...ur generation is the most coward generation of all, the worst generation of all time...the generation of fear and corruption...indeed you in particuler dont have the right to discuss my capability of doing the things i do, SPECIALLY, when i dont share ANY interests with ANY of you...so why dont you keep your idiot opinions for yourself...


when i was a child...i always spent like 2 or 3 hours before sleeping...screaning all my frustrations in my imagination...trying to create imaginable solutions for them...like getting batman tools, bionic men, Aladdin and his Jinny...every imaginable way of solving in the mind of a little child...of course i stopped this habit...but sometimes I think that i need thishabit again...maybe not before sleeping...but trying to get back this ability of reanalysing things that happen to me...to see it from outside...get a clear vision to get an easy solution...


to be continued...

TeenStuff

Every once in a while i check through the old issues of the magazine, but recently i felt a new feeling...looking at some ... mmm ... many names which i met before...

ice heat
nonosh
maro
still
raafat
y.
simon

and a lot more...and i wondered about that i'm still in contact with some of them...others r lost in the mazes of life...some r seen every now and then...

wow...this magazine gave me a lot...

thanks u TeenStuff...

CIMAL

Cairo International Model Arab League...

what a wonderful experience...i was accepted as a member in the Egyptian Affairs Council. Then i attended the openning session, featuring Ibrahim Eissa...the session was in the American University in Cairo


www.modelarableague.org