Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Brave One - 2007
I fell in love with this quote from "The Brave One" movie, this quote is by Judie Foster (Damn that short hair in that movie was not romantic at all, but was scary enough as a vigilante.
New York, the safest big city in the world. But it is horrible to fear the place you once loved and to see a street corner you knew so well and be afraid of its shadow. To see familiar steps, be unable to climb them. I never understood how people lived with fear. Women afraid to walk home alone people afraid of white powder in their mailbox darkness and night. People afraid of people. I always believed that fear belonged to other people. Weaker people. It never touched me. And then it did and when it touches you, you know that it's been there all along waiting beneath the surfaces of everything you loved. And your skin crawls and your heart sickens and you look at the person you once were walking down that street and you wonder, will you?
Will you ever be her again?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Tagged to Wish
Dear Rasha tagged me, and I really thank her for that since it has been a long time since I wrote something. Being active more via microblogging tools, basically Jaiku, twitter, and facebook status.
The tag is about what I wish for, when I got the tag I kept thinking for a while then this is what I came to:
1. Finishing my Engineering Academic life, I won't ever study in anything related to Engineering again. (hopefully this is my year)
2. Upgrading my gadgets to a fine level (hi-tech digital camera, laptop, mobile, etc).
3. After upgrading my gadgets, being involved in Citizen Journalism (hopeully after decreasing the mobile internet prices, it will happen as a first step with the beginning of 2009)
4. Being a specialist at my work.
5. Mastering the electric guitar, or even the keyboard.
6. Travelling around the world until I say enough.
7. Treating my temper issues, especially when trying to help someone.
8. Making a huge library, which will be mainly about History, Politics, and of course, Computers. Along with reading all of the contents.
9. Finding Mrs. Right and having the romantic living happily ever-after.
10. Forcing myself to go to a gym or something, this academic life destroyed my body.
The tag is about what I wish for, when I got the tag I kept thinking for a while then this is what I came to:
1. Finishing my Engineering Academic life, I won't ever study in anything related to Engineering again. (hopefully this is my year)
2. Upgrading my gadgets to a fine level (hi-tech digital camera, laptop, mobile, etc).
3. After upgrading my gadgets, being involved in Citizen Journalism (hopeully after decreasing the mobile internet prices, it will happen as a first step with the beginning of 2009)
4. Being a specialist at my work.
5. Mastering the electric guitar, or even the keyboard.
6. Travelling around the world until I say enough.
7. Treating my temper issues, especially when trying to help someone.
8. Making a huge library, which will be mainly about History, Politics, and of course, Computers. Along with reading all of the contents.
9. Finding Mrs. Right and having the romantic living happily ever-after.
10. Forcing myself to go to a gym or something, this academic life destroyed my body.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Recalling - it was just a dream...
In my teenage I was really enthusiastic about things seen by others as trivial, unimportant, or dull, according to the perception of each person. My everyday people whom I see everyday are unfortunately people of trivial minds, who want only to have fun and screw everything else. Screw reading, screw openmindness, screw good music, screw everything which have value in life...in the other hand people who are concerned, are not that available, once every month, every year, or even more, it is like trying to reach the moon by jumping.
I go home everyday or every night, and have a really deep breathe, and think about my feelings toward life. How did frustrations nearly destroys and is still destroying my will to anything useful in this life, and thinking only day by day without any far-sight. The same frustrations which destroyed the far sight planning. What is the value of having a far sight when its use only to prove to others that they were wrong in their judging and controlling after hell got lose and every great beginning is destroyed.
People who love us, esp our family, always try to help up, in their own way. They always try to give, in their own way. Help is considered help when it is given in time. Food is useless when given to a dead man. Facilities are useless when given after complete frustration. What hurts more is that when these facilities are granted after its right time, you are expected to do what they want, or expect you to be complete satisfied and do what you dreamed for. Not feeling all the hell you felt and all the frustrations you experienced before getting this help. It just adds to your frustrations.
Thinking, thinking, thinking. Thinking circulates my brain. I can't help not thinking about things I experienced, and reanalyzing. Who is wrong and who is right and usually not changing my judgments. I was brought up (unintentionally) to not being attached to any human being, which had double effect. It is easy for me to leave anyone whatever the results were, and it is hard for me to let go of certain people emotionally unless they clearly and directly state their negative side.
I go home everyday or every night, and have a really deep breathe, and think about my feelings toward life. How did frustrations nearly destroys and is still destroying my will to anything useful in this life, and thinking only day by day without any far-sight. The same frustrations which destroyed the far sight planning. What is the value of having a far sight when its use only to prove to others that they were wrong in their judging and controlling after hell got lose and every great beginning is destroyed.
People who love us, esp our family, always try to help up, in their own way. They always try to give, in their own way. Help is considered help when it is given in time. Food is useless when given to a dead man. Facilities are useless when given after complete frustration. What hurts more is that when these facilities are granted after its right time, you are expected to do what they want, or expect you to be complete satisfied and do what you dreamed for. Not feeling all the hell you felt and all the frustrations you experienced before getting this help. It just adds to your frustrations.
Thinking, thinking, thinking. Thinking circulates my brain. I can't help not thinking about things I experienced, and reanalyzing. Who is wrong and who is right and usually not changing my judgments. I was brought up (unintentionally) to not being attached to any human being, which had double effect. It is easy for me to leave anyone whatever the results were, and it is hard for me to let go of certain people emotionally unless they clearly and directly state their negative side.
I usually felt this song for female friends I came close to, esp those who suddenly disappeared for no reasons, some of them who faked their accepting me as a friend also for unknown reason. It was always for only friendship and nothing more, but maybe it is a society fault or something, leading to these kind of personalities. This gives me experience anyway :), even if it was a hard way.
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
And it was just a dream...
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Epitaph lost her blog
We are a group of Egyptian bloggers really bothered by the blockage of the two-year-old blog "Epitaph_87" ( http://www.epitaph-87.blogspot.com/) along her gmail account (epitaph87@gmail.com), since October, 4th , 2008. She has sent you her problem and requests on Google Help Center and Blogger Support, but in vain. We wish that you'd help us retrieve that blog and account and answer the requests of our fellow blogress, sending you from (epitaph_1987@hotmail.com), and hopefully ASAP!
Thank you
Thank you
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
With Laila | Coming soon...
Coming soon to blogs near to you
On the next 19th of October
For more information:
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Just give them the chance...
Life is a group of parameters, variables in an equation. The most important equation explains the relation between different members of the family. Between the parents and their children. Their is a factor which I consider very important. A line...the determiner of right and wrong. Or maybe between what is appropriate and what is not. In many families conflicts happen, between the point of view of the parent and that of the child. Some parents see certain thing as inappropriate without considering that it is not wrong, and vice versa, sometimes opposing the natural insight of the child. It really hurts...
It hurts more when the child see the parent enrolls in what was refused before, or even enthusiastic about it. While, ironically, the child see it in a neutral way. When a child wants something, the timing is important, very important. When the margin of time is over, this desire or natural insight is no longer strong like before, no longer wanted like before. It loses its taste, its meaning, loses it value and fun. It even increases the hurt,especially when the parent is thinking to do that action towards himself and raises the always unspoken question...why?
A child in this moment is confused, experiencing a deteriorated image of freedom and of the outside world. He forms a picture in his mind that who has the power can do anything, no matter what others say or think of. He believes in the phrase: "Who cares", he has the power and nothing really matters if he is still in the controlling side.
Many things can be lost as a side-effect, important things. Any decision done this way by the parent against the right vision of their children at the time of conflict can waste a talent, waste a value, waste something which could have made others' lives better. Parents do not normally realize that anything they do, ANYTHING, is like a butterfly effect. Major things always happen from minor things. Tornados can happen when a butterfly flies in the air, just a little colorful butterfly roaming around the lighted bulb while you are enjoying its beauty. This beauty can form a powerful tornado with all its damage to others' lives.
Just give them the chance to live, to create, to love, no to hesitate. Give them the chance to feel, to understgand, to fly with their minds in their very special atmosphere of imagination, the kind of imagination you lost long ago. Give them the chance to do it their way, they have a great chance to understand their surroundings better than you, you didn't live their childhood, you maybe didn't have their experience as they don't have yours. They can be different, and you will never know if this difference is in the right way or the wrong way, or even if it was appropriate or not.
Just give them the chance...
It hurts more when the child see the parent enrolls in what was refused before, or even enthusiastic about it. While, ironically, the child see it in a neutral way. When a child wants something, the timing is important, very important. When the margin of time is over, this desire or natural insight is no longer strong like before, no longer wanted like before. It loses its taste, its meaning, loses it value and fun. It even increases the hurt,especially when the parent is thinking to do that action towards himself and raises the always unspoken question...why?
A child in this moment is confused, experiencing a deteriorated image of freedom and of the outside world. He forms a picture in his mind that who has the power can do anything, no matter what others say or think of. He believes in the phrase: "Who cares", he has the power and nothing really matters if he is still in the controlling side.
Many things can be lost as a side-effect, important things. Any decision done this way by the parent against the right vision of their children at the time of conflict can waste a talent, waste a value, waste something which could have made others' lives better. Parents do not normally realize that anything they do, ANYTHING, is like a butterfly effect. Major things always happen from minor things. Tornados can happen when a butterfly flies in the air, just a little colorful butterfly roaming around the lighted bulb while you are enjoying its beauty. This beauty can form a powerful tornado with all its damage to others' lives.
Just give them the chance to live, to create, to love, no to hesitate. Give them the chance to feel, to understgand, to fly with their minds in their very special atmosphere of imagination, the kind of imagination you lost long ago. Give them the chance to do it their way, they have a great chance to understand their surroundings better than you, you didn't live their childhood, you maybe didn't have their experience as they don't have yours. They can be different, and you will never know if this difference is in the right way or the wrong way, or even if it was appropriate or not.
Just give them the chance...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
H Daboor | Mody Rap | Sociopolitical Rap
Sunday, August 10, 2008
About important people who were dead recently
The graveyard is filled with important men, who couldn't be spared, but were in the end...
Friday, August 08, 2008
Free thoughts
Every human relation, every human act, every human thought has its own reference. A human reference. This human reference can be noble or not. Can be justified to be over religion and ethics. At the moment of doing a certain life/death act you don't think that this act is right or wrong, you just do it with a big to-hell to the whole world.
We always complain about people, what people will say, what way they will look at you. Really...what's the use? Do they feed you? Usually not. So? People will always talk and will never stop. Why would you surrender?
Sometimes this is done internally. When a certain person is afraid that he is wrong though he is not. Being ashamed when there is no need to. Self fear, self censorship, leading to self destruction. Be it totally or just in one's soul. When you can't face yourself and retreat away with no excuse, with no warning, with no month notice. You just go away, leaving your soul away, surrendering everything which had some meaning, some value, some memory, some life.
I hate this way of letting away things with no known reasons, I feel confusion for a long time before I try (usually failing) to overcome this confusion. Analyzing and reanalyzing it again for so so long. I really want to tell myself: "It is over you idiot, don't waste your time and nerves on it. Any ended thing can never be the same again as it was and enjoy the moment as it is and never think about it when it is gone". But I just can't. I don't have the strength. I just keep myself absent from the world acting the victim blaming the whole world for my so-called misery, though in my current life I must feel content.
I don't waste my time. I have a life, a job, good cooperative work team, a perfect sister... What do I want more?
Maybe I want annoying people/relatives to leave me alone and know how destroying they are to me, again we go to the point of strength of facing. Yes, this is what I want...
The force to face anyone in the face and tell them they are annoying. And I'm glad that I'm succeeding in that.
P.S. Rediscovering Celine Dion, love the A New Day Has Come album :)
We always complain about people, what people will say, what way they will look at you. Really...what's the use? Do they feed you? Usually not. So? People will always talk and will never stop. Why would you surrender?
Sometimes this is done internally. When a certain person is afraid that he is wrong though he is not. Being ashamed when there is no need to. Self fear, self censorship, leading to self destruction. Be it totally or just in one's soul. When you can't face yourself and retreat away with no excuse, with no warning, with no month notice. You just go away, leaving your soul away, surrendering everything which had some meaning, some value, some memory, some life.
I hate this way of letting away things with no known reasons, I feel confusion for a long time before I try (usually failing) to overcome this confusion. Analyzing and reanalyzing it again for so so long. I really want to tell myself: "It is over you idiot, don't waste your time and nerves on it. Any ended thing can never be the same again as it was and enjoy the moment as it is and never think about it when it is gone". But I just can't. I don't have the strength. I just keep myself absent from the world acting the victim blaming the whole world for my so-called misery, though in my current life I must feel content.
I don't waste my time. I have a life, a job, good cooperative work team, a perfect sister... What do I want more?
Maybe I want annoying people/relatives to leave me alone and know how destroying they are to me, again we go to the point of strength of facing. Yes, this is what I want...
The force to face anyone in the face and tell them they are annoying. And I'm glad that I'm succeeding in that.
P.S. Rediscovering Celine Dion, love the A New Day Has Come album :)
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Book Review: Utopia - Ahmed Khaled Tawfik
يوتوبيا by أحمد خالد توفيقMy review
rating: 1 of 5 stars
Well I think the author is presenting the world as a result of extreme neo-liberalization of World Economy, the duality of poor and rich. And to present the unity of the two parts from the perspective of sex, drugs and violence (though for different reasons).
Not so bad for a pessimistic point of view, but personally I don't agree with the author.
View all my reviews.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Discovered that
Everyone must have the courage of the surgeon when he begin the first cut of the operation. Everything just follows naturally after the cut, while you might think a million times afraid of the first moment. Falling in million traps of uncertainty...
When you think of something, go for it, be it right or wrong, mistake or not, you will realize and have the experience, maybe you can give you valuable experience in a place like this...
When you think of something, go for it, be it right or wrong, mistake or not, you will realize and have the experience, maybe you can give you valuable experience in a place like this...
Friday, June 06, 2008
Give or Leave
This is how I see it. I was always the one who put the fuel. I tend to supply fuel in great quantities and for a very long time with no equivalent refund from the other side. I ended up needing more refund which was not possible for reasons either I don't know, or I don't want to know about. No equation can be stable in this situation and pressure increase to break the whole thing up. And it broke.
Though I still long for that beginning...
Though I still long for that beginning...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
I....feel....
Day after day, love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man
Night after night, we pretend it's all right
But I have grown older
and you have grown colder
and nothing is very much fun any more.
And I can feel
One of my turns coming on.
I feel
Cold as razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum,
Like the skin of a dying man
Night after night, we pretend it's all right
But I have grown older
and you have grown colder
and nothing is very much fun any more.
And I can feel
One of my turns coming on.
I feel
Cold as razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum,
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